Star date Jan. 24

Good evening, friends and readers. This is Jeffrey Starmichael, proprietor of Num-Num’s novelty shop and author of this blog.

It is with much earnestness and contrition that I write this post. It has been a difficult few days.

I refer, of course, to my maiden post of earlier this week, in which I wrote many hurtful, hurtful things. For instance, rather than just stick to shop news or a list of special values, I for some reason felt the need to lash out at my ex-girlfriend Tonya. It was not appropriate to refer to Tonya as someone who “goes around humping any barstool she can find whenever she gets a half pint of ripple into her.” Further, it was unnecessary and hurtful of me to bring up the time she came home smelling like “that asshole Jake’s cologne,” and it was completely out of bounds for me to threaten Tonya by saying “I swear to god, baby, if you go anywhere near him, I’ll kill your dumb ass.”

Such language is not appropriate for The Star Blog or for anyone associated with the Num-Num’s family, and I regret using it. As we all know, however, it was not the language but the sentiment that was most innappropriate. To suggest that I would physically hurt any woman, especially the woman I spent the best three weeks of my life with, is completely out of character for me, The Star Child.

It was obvious by the tone of the blog entry and by its many misspellings that I was under the influence of alcohol and PCP. This is no excuse for such shoddy behavior, and for this, too, I apologize.

I sincerely hope that the Great Haven community, both customers and my fellow business owners, will give me another chance at earning their respect. I have entered an alcohol and drug outpatient rehabilitation program, and I appreciate all of your prayers for my continued sobriety.

Now, I would like to list some more of this week’s special values at Num-Num’s:

  • All fake boobs and butts are 25 percent off. Limit 3 pairs of fake boobs and 4 fake butts.
  • All “… and all I got was this lousy T-shirt” T-shirts are buy-one-get-one-free, excepting the new “I got called a whore by Jeffrey Starmichael on his blog and all I got was this lousy T-shirt” T-shirts, which are full price due to great demand.
  • All Halloween mask prices are slashed by 10 percent to 25 percent.

Thank you in advance, Great Haven, for your forgiveness and help through this very difficult time.

Sincerely,
Jeffrey “The Star Child” Starmichael