Good day, loyal readers and customers. It’s me again, Jeffrey Starmichael, the Star Child, owner of Num-Num’s novelty store here in beautiful Great Haven.

I apologize for not updating the old Starblog sooner. I have been working with counselors in an outpatient alcohol-and-drug-treatment program.

It turns out your old buddy the Star Child is an alcoholic and a PCP addict. But that’s OK. That’s what I am, but it’s not whoI am. It’s a disease like any other disease, be it lupus, strep throat or SIDS. And the way to combat this disease is by admitting it and facing it head on, one day at a time. Just like SIDS.

So here I am admitting it. I cannot take just one drink. I cannot smoke just one joint laced with angel dust like normal people. I am an addict, and that’s OK because I recognize it and am going to beat it.

Now, I don’t want this blog to become the “Watch Jeffrey Starmichael fight addiction” stop on the information superhighway. This blog is about my store, Num-Num’s, and the town of Great Haven. I just needed to get that other stuff out of the way.

Now, on to this week’s gag-gift and novelty bargains down at Num-Num’s:

  • All Christmas-themed novelties are half off. This includes fake vomit with candy cane bits, ladies’ Horny Little Elf costumes and the popular “Kiss me under the cameltoe” T-shirts with pictures of mistletoe and cartoon camels
  • Buy two get one free on ladies’ Horny Little Cupid costumes
  • Five dollars off PCP

Thank you, Great Haven, for all of your prayers and wishes. Together, we’ll beat this horrible disease.
Shop at Num-Num’s! Scwhing!