Star Date April 5
Howdy out there, Star-watchers. Sorry it’s been so long since I updated this site for you. It’s been a busy week around Num-Num’s what with April Fool’s and all.
I’ve also been preoccupied with the new love of my life. … No, not model airplane fuel. I’m still on the wagon as far as that goes. I’m talking, instead, about the light of my loins, the sun in my sky, the Cool Ranch on my Doritos, Miss Margaret Sultry. Those of you who have seen Sarnac the Magnificient down at the Pitch ‘N’ Putt might know Miss Sultry as the best damn magician’s assistant in town. Well, I know her as the best damn woman in town, period! (No offense, Mom!)
I met Maggie “in the program.” And, though it’s frowned upon by recovery experts (sticks in the mud), we started seeing each other almost immediately. She doesn’t mind that I tell people how we met, so I think it’s also fair game to divulge the reason she is “in the program” to begin with … wait for it … MODEL AIRPLANE FUEL! … I know, I know, it’s like a match made in co-depency heaven, which I would imagine is actually a lot like the Highway 37 Rest Stop right outside Great Haven.
But I digress.
The great thing about Mags is that she understands where I’ve been, and I understand where she’s been. Because it’s the same place — a pool of our own fluids. And we’re much happier now, in each other’s fluids. I’ve even been thinking about hiring her at the store. She’s always spending so much time there anyway, mostly in the stockroom, sorting what’s left of the closeout airplane fuel stock.
Anyway, Great Havenites, I think this is going to work. This is the chapter in “The Book of Jeffrey Starmichael” where the hero finally finds happiness. And that happiness looks really sexy in a sequined leotard.
No specials this week. Instead, out of appreciation for the eight weeks I’ve been able to stay off “the fumes,” I’m taking 8 percent off of all merchandise.
Come on by and celebrate with me and Mags Sultry. She wears that leotard every day, and you won’t want to miss it!
